EWR Diaries: WWE Old School

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Segment 1:
Lita is in the ring. Behind her, Trish Stratus comes out of the crowd and slides into the ring. She attacks, and strips Lita out of her dress, leaving her down on the mat in her underwear.

Overall rating: 76%

Match 1:
Kane vs Scott Steiner vs Chris Jericho.

Match Background: This will be a cage bout.

The Match: Kane scoops and slams Chris Jericho. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? STIFF~! chop lights up Poppa Pump who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Chris Jericho comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Chris Jericho launches Kane into the cage wall. Weak bodyslam by Poppa Pump. Scott Steiner and Jericho climb the cage....but both end up crashing back to the canvas after a struggle! Kane slams Scott Steiner down and motions to the crowd. Scott Steiner powers out of a Kane headlock. Jericho \ Poppa Pump whip Kane into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. High Angle DDT by Chris Jericho just SPIKES Kane down! Scott Steiner drives Jericho into the cage side. Poppa Pump goes for a splash but Jericho puts the knees up. BAAACK Body drop by Kane gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Spear! Jericho is down! Kane goes to leave the cage by the door...but Christian appears at ringside and slams the door on his head! Jericho takes the opportunity, and climbs out the door for the win!

OR: 81%
CR: 88%
MQ: 65%

Segment 2:

Bubba Ray Dudley is in the ring. Out from the back comes Rene Dupree, and he slides in. They begin brawling. From the crowd comes Sylvan Grenier, who joins in the attack on Bubba. The two-on-one attack leaves Bubba Ray Dudley down on the mat, hurt.

OR: 70%

Match 2:

D-Von Dudley vs La Resistance.

Match Background: This will be a 2 on 1 handicap bout. Dudley Boyz and La Resistance have been feuding recently. Neither team holds an in-ring victory since the feud started. La Resistance are the reigning World Tag Team champions.

The Match: Uninspired brawling from D-Von Dudley. Big kick from D-Von staggers Dupree but that's about it. D-Von Dudley hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Hooks the leg for a two count. D-Von Dudley hits a right hand on Sylvan Grenier. Grenier blocks a kick from D-Von Dudley. La Resistance hook up D-Von, then hit a double suplex. Running knee lift from Rene Dupree. Big clothesline from Grenier. La Resistance whip D-Von into the ropes and hit a double clothesline. There's a two count on the pin. Flapjack from Grenier on D-Von. Pin, but D-Von is out just before the three count. D-Von Dudley hits Grenier. D-Von Dudley charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. La Resistance whip D-Von into the corner. Rene Dupree whips Sylvan Grenier in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Covers for a quick two count. Sylvan Grenier hits D-Von. Grenier drops an elbow...but D-Von Dudley moves out of the way. D-Von blocks a punch. Side suplex from D-Von. D-Von Dudley drives Sylvan Grenier into the corner. Super Neckbreaker! 1....2....3.

OR: 53%
CR: 53%
MQ: 54%

Segment 3:

Dudley Boyz are backstage. They wanted to rip into La Resistance.

OR: 73%

Match 3:

Booker T vs Randy Orton.

Match Background: This will be a special guest referee bout. Steve Austin will be the referee for this match. Orton and Booker are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. This match is for the WWE Intercontinental title.

The Match: Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Booker T ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Booker slams Randy Orton down and motions to the crowd. There's a two count on the pin. Orton blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Bodyslam by Orton. There's a two count on the pin. Spear by Randy Orton. Covers for a quick two count. Booker counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Full nelson slam on Orton. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Randy Orton comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Randy Orton charges, Booker moves, and the referee is knocked silly! DEATH VALLEY DRIVAH~! by Randy Orton just KILLS Booker T! Cover, but there's no one to count for Randy Orton! Booker walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Booker reverses a Randy Orton hammerlock. Booker T small packages Randy Orton out of nowhere. 1.2.3! Fast count! Steve Austin screwed Randy Orton! Randy Orton attacks Stone Cold. Steve Austin is in trouble. Here it comes - RKO. Randy Orton leaves Stone Cold on the mat.

OR: 83%
CR: 89%
MQ: 70%

Segment 4:

Christian is standing in the set for his personal interview segment. He announces that tonight's guest is Goldberg, who comes out from the back. They do a straight interview, but it is ended abruptly when Batista comes out of nowhere and attacks Goldberg. The brawl is swift and violent, and ends with Goldberg down and out on the floor of the set. Batista walks off, having made his point.

OR: 68%

Match 4:

Maven vs Rob Van Dam.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout.

The Match: RVD just WAFFLES Maven with a STIFF chop that hurt ME to watch! Maven powers out of a headlock. Maven hits RVD. Maven whips RVD into the turnbuckles...and the ref is crushed! Side suplex from Maven. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Rob Van Dam powers out of a Maven headlock. Hip toss onto a chair by RVD! Lightning kick by RVD on Maven. There's a two count on the pin. Springboard dropkick from Rob Van Dam. Nicely done. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Maven powers out of a Rob Van Dam headlock. Maven drives a table into RVD. Pin, but RVD is out just before the three count. RVD backdrops Maven out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Rob Van Dam. Rob Van Dam has Maven down on the canvas and is ascending the corner. Five Star Frog Splash!!! 1....2....3!! It's all over. Rob Van Dam offers a handshake to Maven...and he accepts it! No! Maven levels RVD with a cheap shot right hand! Maven stuns RVD. Maven quickly goes up to the top rope, and leaps off, hitting the Missile Dropkick! Rob Van Dam has been floored after the match.

OR: 70%
CR: 72%
MQ: 68%

Segment 5:

The Rock is backstage. He got on THE STICK~! and spent the interview putting himself over.

OR: 98%

Segment 6:

Triple H has come down to the ring with Evolution. He calls Maven out. From the back comes Maven. Triple H says that the time for a decision is now, is Maven going to join them or not? Maven says yes. Triple H welcomes him into Evolution.

OR: 74%

Main Event:

Triple H vs The Rock.

Match Background: Rock and HHH are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. This match is for the World Heavyweight title.

The Match: Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, The Rock ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. Triple H charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Hooks the leg for a two count. HHH powers out of a headlock. Bodyslam by HHH. Hooks the leg for a two count. Spear by Triple H. Hooks the leg for a two count. Rock powers out of a headlock. Big piledriver on HHH. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Triple H is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Triple H charges, Rock moves, and the referee is knocked silly! Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. Hooks the leg, but the referee is still out! Nice piledriver on Rock. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Rock counters a sleeper with a jaw breaker and is able to get free! Triple H slides out and grabs a chair! Rock goes to climb out of the ring...and takes a chair to the head! The referee has no hesitation in calling for the bell! Disqualification. Triple H looks furious. The referee walks over...and gets blasted with a clothesline! HHH has lost it!

OR: 89%
CR: 99%
MQ: 68%

Thursday, January 4th, 2012

Segment 1:

Eddie Guerrero has come out, carrying the WWE United States belt. He climbs into the ring. Before he can say anything though, the debuting AJ Styles comes out of the crowd and attacks. Eddie Guerrero is in trouble. Styles Clash!!! That shook the ring. AJ Styles grabs the title belt and leaves through the crowd.

OR: 87%

Match 1:[/b

John Cena vs Chris Benoit.

Match Background: This will be a ladder bout.

The Match: Cena hits a right hand. Benoit gets slammed hard onto the ladder. Benoit is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. BIG clothesline on Benoit. Benoit pushes out of a John Cena hold. Back suplex on Cena. Doctor Bomb connects and Cena landed hard. Cena counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. High Angle DDT by John Cena just SPIKES Chris Benoit down! They both begin to climb the ladder. Once they reach the top, an exchange of punches starts! Cena grabs Benoit and throws him off into the ropes! His leg gets caught, trapping him. John Cena grabs the prize for the win. Nathan Jones comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Chris Benoit is ready though, and strikes first! Chris Benoit drops Nathan to the canvas. Chris Benoit quickly locks on the Crippler Crossface! Nathan Jones has been left down on the canvas. The attempted ambush has backfired.

[b]OR: 81%
CR: 85%
MQ: 74%

Segment 2:

A video is played, hyping the upcoming debut of Sting.

OR: 70%

Segment 3:

Stephanie McMahon is backstage, and announces that tonight we will see AJ Styles, Edge, and Eddie Guerrero compete in a triangle match.

OR: 85%

Match 2:

World's Greatest Tag Team vs Basham Brothers.

Match Background: This match is for the WWE Tag Team titles.

The Match: Trying to channel the spirit of Misawa, Charlie Haas ends up chanelling Lex Luger instead and nails a running forearm to the face, minus the steel plate, of course. BAAACK Body drop by Danny gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. Danny tags out to Doug Basham. Basham scoops and slams Charlie Haas. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Charlie Haas reverses a hip toss. STIFF high kick on Basham by Charlie Haas. Tag to Shelton Benjamin. World's Greatest Tag Team whip Basham into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Tiger bomb by Shelton Benjamin, which is nowhere near as cool as a botched Pedigree but gets the job done. High Angle DDT by Shelton Benjamin just SPIKES Doug Basham down! Tag between Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas. Doug Basham is all alone...Doomsday Device!! 1....2....3! Jordan \ J.B.L come running down the aisle with chairs! They slide in, but World's Greatest Tag Team are ready, and disarm them quickly! Jordan \ J.B.L leave the ring, their attempt at an ambush foiled.

OR: 60%
CR: 45%
MQ: 75%

Segment 4:

Dawn Marie comes down to the ring and takes a microphone. She announces that she has made a big new signing, and that her new client is John Cena. Out comes John Cena, and he shakes hands with his new manager, signaling their alliance.

OR: 78%

Match 3:

AJ Styles vs Edge vs Eddie Guerrero.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. Styles is making his debut at this show. Eddie and Edge are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. This match is for the WWE United States title.

The Match: Spinning back kick from AJ Styles. Flying trash can shot from the top rope! Edge blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Big piledriver on Eddie. Massive backbreaker on Styles and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Hooks the leg for a two count. Power drive elbow by Eddie Guerrero. That sounds like a feature on a 4 x 4, doesn't it. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Edge is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Edge throws Eddie into a shopping trolley. Tiger suplex on Edge. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. AJ Styles moves in for the kill. Styles Clash! 1....2....3.

OR: 82%
CR: 83%
MQ: 83%

Segment 5:

Paul London is backstage, when Torrie Wilson walks over. She flirts with him, then leaves, smiling.

OR: 56%

Match 4:

Paul London vs Billy Gunn.

Match Background: London is making his debut at this show.

The Match: Billy walks into a high dropkick from Paul London, almost losing several teeth in the process. Billy flips out of a Paul London bodyslam attempt. A weak headbutt on London by Billy causes nothing but pain for both. London reverses an irish whip...and Billy Gunn runs into the referee! Billy Gunn scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Cover, but there's no one to count for Billy Gunn! Paul London powers out of a Billy Gunn headlock. Implant DDT by Paul London! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Super kick by Paul London. Covers for a quick two count. Billy walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one though? Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Billy reverses a waistlock. Weak bodyslam by Billy. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! London reverses a waistlock. Billy Gunn gets whipped into the corner by London, and flips all the way over to the outside! Billy stays down on the outside, hurt. The referee reaches a ten count, and this one is over.

OR: 56%
CR: 44%
MQ: 69%

Segment 6:

Undertaker is in the ring. Out from the crowd comes Sting, who grabs a chair from ringside as he hits the ring. Undertaker turns, and gets floored by a brutal chair shot. Undertaker gets knocked to the ground by Sting. Undertaker gets locked in the Scorpion Deathlock! Undertaker goes limp! Sting raises the chair and drives it side-first into the throat of Undertaker, causing him to roll around in agony. The chair gets put around the head of Undertaker, who then gets driven face-first into the mat, crushing his wind pipe against the steel. Paramedics come running out to help Undertaker as Sting exits via the crowd.

OR: 68%

Main Event:

Brock Lesnar vs Kurt Angle.

Match Background: This will be a tables bout. Lesnar and Angle are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. This match is for the WWE World title.

The Match: Angle takes a headbutt from Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar pulls Angle onto the table for a powerbomb, but he uses a backdrop to get out of the predicament. Brock Lesnar with a spinning neckbreaker on Angle. Lesnar slams Kurt Angle down and motions to the crowd. Kurt Angle pulls a mule kick out of nowhere. Kurt Angle goes to suplex Lesnar through a table, but he slips out the backdoor. Lesnar walks into a stiff sit-out jaw breaker. Lesnar kicks Kurt Angle in the gut to reverse the momentum. Massive backbreaker on Angle and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Death valley driver by Brock Lesnar! No one executes that move properly anymore. Angle blocks a kick from Brock Lesnar. Kurt Angle connects with a HARD right hand, sending the opponent down to the mat again. Lesnar counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. Kurt Angle charges into the corner, but EATS BOOT and staggers backward. Lesnar climbs onto the table with Kurt Angle and hits a bodyslam through it for the win! Brock Lesnar is still in the ring celebrating. Kurt Angle pushes the referee away. Kurt Angle drops Lesnar to the canvas. Kurt Angle quickly locks on the Angle Lock!

OR: 86%
CR: 89%
MQ: 81%

Sunday, January 8th, 2012

Match 1:
Maven vs Jeff Hardy.

Match Background: None.

The Match: Maven strikes away at Jeff Hardy, not doing much damage at all. Maven strikes away at Jeff Hardy, not doing much damage at all. Big kick from Maven staggers Hardy but that's about it. Maven slams Jeff Hardy down. Hardy is sure in trouble now. Hardy counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Implant DDT by Jeff Hardy! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Hardy crushes Maven with a huge legdrop. Covers for a quick two count. Hardy drops an elbow...but Maven moves out of the way. Weak bodyslam by Maven. There's a two count on the pin. Maven turns Hardy inside-out with a clothesline. Reminds me of Willow's 'Bored Now' skin ripping finisher. Inside joke, don't worry about it. Pin, but Hardy is out just before the three count. Jeff Hardy is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Dropkick connects to the butt of the jaw and Maven goes down. Jeff Hardy misses a big legdrop after stalling too long. Maven hits a right hand on Jeff Hardy. Batista comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Jeff Hardy turns around. Batista spins Hardy around. Batista hits the Sit-Out Powerbomb! Batista leaves the ring, the damage done! Cover gets three for Maven, Hardy got pinned. Maven and Batista tie Jeff Hardy up in the ropes, then start punching away at him until referees run down and break it up.

OR: 60%
CR: 58%
MQ: 62%

Segment 1:

Booker T is his locker room when in walks Ric Flair. He pleads with him to give Randy Orton a match, and eventually Booker T agrees.

OR: 88%

Segment 2:

Vince McMahon is in the ring, and announces that he has decided to bring in someone to help shake up the show, and that is Shawn Michaels. He comes out and joins Vince McMahon in the ring, shaking hands.

OR: 85%

Match 2:

Booker T vs Randy Orton.

Match Background: This will be a hardcore bout. Orton and Booker have been feuding recently. So far, Orton hasn't managed to get a pin or submission over Booker since the feud started. This match is for the WWE Intercontinental title.

The Match: Orton gets slammed onto a trash can, squashing it. Booker T hits a bulldog off the ropes. Covers for a quick two count. Randy Orton comes up with a right hand out of nowhere. Orton scoops and slams Booker T. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Flying shoulder tackle by Orton sends Booker CRASHING to the mat. Hooks the leg for a two count. Booker eats a trash can, but not the contents in it, obviously. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Fallaway slam by Randy Orton puts down Booker T. Booker powers out of a headlock. Spear by Booker T. Covers for a quick two count. Booker T scores with a big spinebuster. Pin, but Orton is out just before the three count. Fallaway slam by Booker T puts down Randy Orton. Face jam onto the table. Orton counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Flying shoulder tackle by Orton sends Booker CRASHING to the mat. Brutal sit out powerbomb on Booker! Ric Flair has climbed up onto the apron! Booker turns...and falls for the distraction! Randy Orton attacks Booker from behind! Booker T can barely stand. Here it comes - RKO. 1....2...3, it's finished. Orton and Flair are beating the hell out of Booker T! Steve Austin sprints down the aisle and slides into the ring! He goes toe-to-toe with Randy Orton, exchanging punches, while Booker T comes back, sending Flair out of the ring with a clothesline. Stone Cold \ Booker have cleared the ring, driving off Orton and Flair!

OR: 85%
CR: 88%
MQ: 80%

Segment 3:

AJ Styles is backstage. He got on THE STICK~! and spent the interview putting himself over.

OR: 78%

Main Event:

Edge vs AJ Styles vs Eddie Guerrero vs John Cena.

Match Background: This will be a four corners bout. Eddie and Edge are currently feuding. Neither has managed to get an in-ring victory in this feud. AJ Styles is the reigning WWE United States champion, and has been since 05 January 2012.

The Match: Spin kick by Eddie Guerrero to the face sends the opponent FLYING across the ring. Spinning back kick from Eddie Guerrero. Hooks the leg for a two count. Super kick by Eddie Guerrero. Eddie goes for a splash but Cena puts the knees up. John Cena with a spinning neckbreaker on Eddie. Covers for a quick two count. Spear by John Cena. Covers for a quick two count. Eddie flips out of a John Cena bodyslam attempt. Eddie Guerrero connects with a back heel kick on Styles and gets back up quickly. Tag to AJ Styles. Second rope flying axe handle, Cena goes down. One day, Styles might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Spinning bulldog in the corner and Styles is down! Second rope flying axe handle, Cena goes down. One day, Styles might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Vicious kick to the teeth from AJ Styles. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Tag between AJ Styles and Edge. Rude Awakening neckbreaker on John Cena by Edge. Remember when that was a legit finish? Spear! Cena is down! There's a two count on the pin. Fallaway slam by Edge puts down John Cena. Hooks the leg for a two count. Spear by Edge. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Tag between John Cena and Eddie Guerrero. Eddie crushes Edge with a huge legdrop. Implant DDT by Eddie Guerrero! I will always and forever mark out for that move. Edge walks into a high dropkick from Eddie Guerrero, almost losing several teeth in the process. Edge fights out of a grapple. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Edge connects and Eddie Guerrero is down! Eddie Guerrero is in trouble. Spear!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!

OR: 81%
CR: 83%
MQ: 79%